


Homeless Cavendish

by AlexKnight002



Category: Little Witch Academia
Genre: Crack, F/F, Humor, Out of Character, Parody
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-02-17
Updated: 2018-07-07
Packaged: 2019-03-20 09:10:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,148
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13714524
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AlexKnight002/pseuds/AlexKnight002
Summary: Much to Diana's horror, her house has been sold by her drug addicted aunt and she is now HOMELESS! Find out how our formerly rich girl survives on the streets and how she and her friends must stop an evil plan to NUKE LUNA NOVA in this crack fic!





	1. No money mo problems

**Author's Note:**

> Hey, everyone! I've been wanting to write a fanfic for Little Witch Academia, and I was suddenly struck with the GREATEST IDEA EVER! This story is perfect in every way SO ENJOY! (Warning: this is a parody. It features many out of character moments, so don't read it if this is not your cup of tea.)

ONE DAY IN ANGLAND:

There was ones a girl named Diana Cavendish and she was smart and pretty and talented but sbes not a marysue because she's also a BITCH! She has 2 dum friends names Hana and Babrah that fuckin suck.

Anywai, it is now Sumer vacacion and diana is ready 2 go back to her fancy rich house where her ant lives.

AT THE CAVENDISHK HOOSEHOLD or is it?!

Die Ana got bakc home in her fancy limo cus shes fukin Rich. But when she got to her house...IT WASNT THERE!?

"What the bloody hell where is my house?!"

One of her old butlers was sitting in a cardboard box beging for money.

"Im sorey Diana but the house has been teared down. Your aunt became addicted to meth and sold the house to pay for her drugs. Now it's being turned into a walmart."

"I say, what utter rubbish nonsense! I cannot believe that my good for nothing ant would do something such as that! Now where will I live?"

"Im sorey miss cavendish but you dont have anywher to live, you are homeless like the rest of us."

The butler pointed to the rest of the former house staff, who are looking for food in the trash and sleeping on the ground in tattered cloths.

"Poppycock!" exclaimed Diana. "We must earn back money so that we can buy back a home! I could ask andreww for help, because he still contains many riches, but that is the most undesirable outcome as NO ONE CAN KNOW WHAT HAS HAPPENED! Tell no one of this I don't want akko or andrww or hannnah or babarah to know how poor I am!"

And so fiana and the rest of her former staff, who aboot ten were still alive (the others froze to deatth), decided to trek to the nearestby city for searching for a job. Diiina couldnt fly there becos Akko broke her broom during broom practice and diana was just gonna buy a new one when she got back BUT NOW SHE CANT BECOS SHE HAS NO MONS!

IN LONDEN:

Our good formerlyrich girl Diana is now in the city of London, weeks later. It took so long to get there because they had to walk until they sneaked into a truck that took them to london.

"Now that we are in the city known as London, what shall I be occupating at this time?" asked Diana.

"Hey look a mcdonalds you can work there!" said Butler.

"GAAAASP!" gasped Diana. "B-but t-tthats DISGUSTING I CANNOT ENTER SUCH AN ABOMINABLE ESTABLISHMENT!"

"If you don't take w job then you'll never stop being homeless!"

"UGH FINE!"

In el mxdolonds:

"Pardon me my fine sir, but I would like to apply for a position in this eating locale," said Dian to the manager.

"Sprry we dont have any openings."

"PLEAS MY GOOD CHAP I AM HONELESS AND AM IN NEED OF A HUMBLE ABODE TO CALL MY OWN, please adjourn me with a position at this gastronomic adress!"

"Ok i gess so."

And so daiana got a job at mcDolands.

"I may not enjoy working at such a lowly place such as this, but now that I am I will be the best bloody chef the world has ever known!"

Diana quickly started cooking the french fries but she was so good that the fries tasted the greatest anyone has ever had.

"How do you make so great fries?" axed a customer.

"I gess I am just that good," said Diana like the smug snek she is.

She was so good that she started gooking the burgers as welk and they became super delicioso.

Dianas cooking causes that mcdolokikds to become world fanous as the best macdonalds in the univers. And this all happened in just that afternoob.

Crowds flooked knto the restraint to try the yums, when suddenly...

"Disna is that you?" It was...Havana and Bartra! They were horrified to see diaba in such a lowly place.

"WAIT IT IS NOT WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE!"

"Diana why are you working in a place for the working man?" ded Hanamaru.

"I am not occupating in this establishment because i am poor I am volunteereing because I am a good person!"

"Oh ok well we'll see u later then," sed Babba with relief as they goth left.

"That was a close one," said diana.

And at the end of the day Dian went hom to the box she lives in when suffenly...Hannah and Barbados came back!

"DIANA WHAY ARE HOU DOING LIVING IN A BOX ARE U HOMELES?"

"NO BLOODY HELL I AM NOT HIMELESS THIS SITUATION IS ALL JUST A LARGE MISUNDERSTANDING!"

But the birchy duo didn't believe her.

"D-diana What happened why are u like this?" cried hahana with tears.

"We wil help u diana we can get you money back so you can have a home," sed blabra. "I'll become a prostitute 2 pay for a home for u!"

"Me 2!"

"MY LOYAL COMPANIONS NO I DO NOT NEED ANY BLLOODY HELP I AM PERFECTLY ACCEPTABLY FINE!"

"Thats it were calling akko! She's on vacacion in england and she can com halp cuz were 2 shitty 2 do it ourselfs."

"NOOOOOO AKKKO CANNOT SEE ME LIKE THIS!1111"

"Were sorey but this is wat we have to do," said hammah.

Diiana ran away screeming into the city.

A few hours later disba stkpped running and ran into...Aakko!

"Konichiwa diana-chan, hana and babra told me that u r homeless and im here 2 halpu!"

"IM NOT HOMELESS!"

"Their is no reason to be in denialu I am your tomodachi and will help You! I have an idea since my parents broughtu me here on a busines tripu you can stay with me! WE CAN BE ROOMIES SUGOI!"

"Shit," said diana.

And so akko forcefully dragged Diana to her hotel room.

"Okay dianachan meet my parents!"

"Konichiwa," said Allo's dad.

"We heard so much about u form akko!" saidakkosmom. "Akko talks about u evry dai. She has pictures of u all over her room and she has a body pillow of u that she sleeps with evry nite."

"Wtf?" said diana.

"Haha very funny mom," said akko worriedly.

Suddenly the FBI kicked down the door to the hotel room as everyone started screaming.

A FEW MINUTES LATER:

"Okay my parents were arrested by the fbi for apparently smugling cocaine so idont have anywhere 2 stay rightu now so I guess Im homeless 2! We can be homeless together! BESTIES! Its like a sleepover!"

"I say, this unpleasant situation is the most unfortunate scenario that could ever possibly occur," muttered dianan.

LATER:

Diana and Akko were both wearing tattered clothes on the side of the street. All of the butlers and other house staff went missing so the two of them are the only 1s left. Diana was starting a fire while Akko aksed for money.

"Please-u money we just need money to survive please!" yelled Akko. she put on a show doing a little dance number but no one gave her omoney.

THey also cant use magic becos kaako accdientally broke both of there wands and theyir to broke to buy a new one.

"MONEY! MONEY! PLEASE MONEY IM HUNGRY I HAVENT EATEN IN DAYS!" but evry1 ignored her cuz there racist.

Eventuallly the crowdds went away becos it was 2 late and Diana cooked a pidgeon they killed and they both ate it.

"OK I guess its bedu timeu!" excl ako. "I only have one sleeping bagu so I GUESS WE'LL HAVE TO SHARE!"

"I hate my life," said diina but she was sucretly happy becos shes gay.

MEANWHILE AT LUNO NOVO:

Constantze stayed over during the summer bgecause her parents were killed by zombies and she has nowhere 2 live. She had her secret bunker underground that no one else knows aboot and has been secretly living theer.

"Hey whats that?" asked stanbot looking at the machine Constant was building. But she ignored the robot.

"Hey fuckin tell me what ur building u bitch," said stabnot. Costanza gave it a middle finger and kept working as it left in angre.

and so she finally finished her machine...A TIME MACHINE!

She decided that she would only use it if something really bad happened like if Luna nova exploded or some shit. But its not like that's going to happen, right? WRONG Little does she know that there is a nuclear warhead inside of luna nova right now set to expleode when school starts!

**TO BE CONTINUED!**


	2. Akko Come Home

Akkkkkkp and Dinah are continuing to be homeless and living in a box.

Akko fell asleep and started drooling everywgwere as diaba whines about her sad life.

"Why have these events transpired in such a matalophistic way? Not too long ago, I was enjoyful, living my life as a millionaire with a lavish lifestyle. But now I am nothing, living on the streets and working at a McDonals."

"And I'm akko," said akko in her sleep. "But you can call me god."

"Shut your whore mouth atsucko Kagari I am monologuing about my angstful life."

"Heheh shiny chariot how about you show me your shiny rod if you know what i mean."

"Wtf akko blloody hell," yelled Diana kicking akko awake as the short little weak person screamed awake.

"Ohayo diana how are you doing? And why did you rupture my spleen?"

"I was attempting to complain about our living situation to myself but SOMEONE had to ruin it by talking in her sleep!"

"Sorry diana-chan, tomo sorrygato!"

"Anyway I am going to work at mccolands so don't botther me anymore."

A few mubuites later Diana was at mcdonalds worjing. Soon she might have enough money to buy food so she won't have to eat rats and pideons. They also couldn't use their wands because akko broke them and they can't afford new ones.

Sudderly akko ran into The Room in an mkdonalds uniform! "Guess what diana chan I got a job here 2!"

"Bollocks!"

Five minutes later:

The mcdonalds was in flames as everyone evacuated in screaming.

"Gee I wonder what caused this?" said ako.

"I do not know, but maybe this abhorrent apperation has apparency towards the fact that you poured gasoline all over the kitchen!"

"The food was cookingu 2 slowly and I got boarded and decided to speed it up with gasoline!"

"That is not how this works you dimwitted simpleton! You are ruining my life even more than it has been ruined previously! Two days ago you traded all of our money for a harmonica!"

"But it was a good harmonica don't you like my songs?"

Akko wrote a bunch of songs for the harmonica like one called the diana is cool song

"I'm gonna singu you the dians is cool songu!"

The japenis grl pulled out her hamonica and started badly playing and singing.

"Diana-chan, your so kawaii desu

Your cooler than outer spaceu

Your kind of a bitch

But your my favorite witch

Deep down youre a nice girl

The bestest in the world

Dianas so super sugoi

Even when she is annoy!"

Akk bowed, expecting applaus. "Did u like it dianachan?"

"No, it was a bloody piece of shite."

"GASPU YOU DONT LIKE IT DIANA BUT I WROTE IT JUST FOR YOU!"

"I am tired of your shite akko! No matter how hard I try, you have ruined every single attempt at earning money! You should just leave!"

Akko started cruing. "I diden't know you feltu this way Diana chan maybe I will leavu! Sayonara diana!" Akoo ran away with tears as Diana said "Wait akko noooooooooo!"

But it was 2 late as akok was gone.

"I cannot believe I spoke to my best friend akko like that she was my only light in this dark world." Diana said with crying.

Then Diana had a flagsback:

Last year:

"Hay diana im gonna beatu you on the next test!" sed alko

Lotte looked nervous. "Akko don't say things like that, ya! You'll make diana mad!"

Diana just looked away all stoicly with her eyes closed.

Hanna and babbara both snickered at akkos challenge.

"Haha how can you beat diana shes the smartest girl in the school and she's way bettoo than YOOOOOU!" saif baurab.

"Yeah you bitch," said hanah. "Your just a shitty Japanese girl what're you gonna do with your TINY ASIAN PENIS!"

"That doesn't make any since and it's also racist," said Sucy smirkingly.

"Come on akko! Let's just leave it doesn't matter what they say about you, ya!" Said Latte.

"No I'll give these bitches a piece of my mind! Now listen to me, I'm gonna beat diana on this test no matter what! I'll study for days and days and I swear to the emperor that I will win!"

"Oh yeah?" saif Hannah "Lets make a deal! If Diana beats you, we get to tie you to a pole and beat you with sticks and throw rocks at you!"

"Ok!" said ako, "but if I win DIANA WILL KISS ME!"

Everyone gasped as Diana turned red with the blushing.

"BUT THATS GAY EWWWWWWWW!1111111" said hanaandbarbara in unison.

"Stop being so honophogic theirs nothing wrongu with being gay!" said akko.

"Okay I will accept your challenge," said diana still blushing and looking away.

"Haha this is gonna be good," said Sucky.

Later:

"Ursula sensei you've gottu to help me!"

"Bonjour akko What is going on?"

"I challenged Diana to a challenge where we see who will get the highest score on the test!"

"Poor akko," said Ursula sadly. "But I'll try my best to make you understand ze test."

"Yay! I'll do my best!"

A few minutes later:

"And zen you cast ze death darkness spell to AKKO ARE YOU SLEEPING?!"

Akko awoke with shock, spitting everywhere. "Hi Ursula sensei I was just paying very much attention to the lesson!"

"Sacrebleu akko if you want to do well on ze test, you will have to pay attention!"

"Sorry ursulhiea senpai I'll try harder!"

"As I was sying, ze-"

Akko instantly fell asleep again.

THE DAY OF THE TEST:

"Haha I studied for hours and this will be the easiest test EVER a piece of cake-u!"

"Come on akko you can do it!" cheered Lotte.

"COMEON AKKO BEAT THAT SNOBBY BITCH DIANA! SHOW HER HER PLACE!" said Amanda.

Constanze gave a thumbs up and Jashndibkaja just ate some fucjin donuts.

"Go Diana I wanna see akko get beaten up!" exclaimed Sucy.

Those two shitty fucks hanamabdjj and barnfugka laughed and made fun of anko but she didn't care.

"Good luck akko," said diana as stoic as usuall.

"Good luck to me too!" said akkop.

And so the test begin. Before they knew it the test was graded and they were passed back.

"Come on, what did I get!" Akko turned over her paper and she got...a 20! "Yes! I did so well!" The very nice but dumb gurl did a dance as Diana gasped.

"I got...a 10?!"

"GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASPU!" gasped alto "THAT MEAN I WON!"

"B-but how is this possible?!" sain Hand and Brotnmra.

"Oh yeah I remember why I failed! I read a magical book that happened to be cursed and it bloody lowered my brain power for one day," said diana unconvincingly.

"IT DOENST MATTER HOW I WON I STILL WON YAY YAY GO ME YEAH!"

"You did it akko!" said Lote. "Great job, ya!"

"I'm very disappointed," said Sucy, "but good job anyway." Where the fuck is sucy from, isn't it Portugal or some shit? And is portugal even a real place?

Akko was in disbelief that she won the challenge.

"Well, Atsuko?" asked Diana. "Do you remember what your reward is?"

"Uhhhhhhhhhhh no."

"It was...a kiss!"

"GAAAAAAAAAsP I FORGOTU! You know, Diana? I don't think that we need to go through with that. It was a good competition and all, but you dont have to do it."

"You won fair and square, so I have to!"

Diana and Akko got closer to eachother with very blush as everyone watched. They blushingly leaned their lips closer and...

"Wait!" said Professor Fineraifnljn. "That was a typo! Akko didn't get a 20, she got a 2!"

"Shitu!" said akko.

"Bloody hell!" said diana. They were both very sad.

"Okay, guys!" saif hanaota. "I guess since Diana really won, we can beat up akko now!"

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" screamed akko as she was dragged away and sucy happily followed to watch the beating.

PRESENT DAY:

"I remember how much fun that day was." remineiced Deoana. "If only just got every answer wrong, then maybe she would I MEAN NO THAT WOULD BE GAY AND I AM NOT GAY! Anyway, Akko May be a wanker, but she is always so much fun to be around. I miss her so much even though she has only been gone for five minuets. IT IS OF UTMOST IMPORTANCE THAT I FIND AKKO AND GET HER BACK INTO MY LIFE!"

Akko was sadly walking around, covered in dirt and stuff. "I miss diana-chan so much. If only she really cared about me!"

"I DO CARE ABOUT YOU!"

"Diana-chan?!"

"Akko, I am so very much sorry for what I have said to you! I never want you to leave me again! You are my best friend in the world!"

"Really? You like me more than Hannah and Barbara?"

"Of course I fucking hate those wankers! Actually, I have an idea! Remember when you were beaten up by them?"

"Hai, of course!"

"Well, how would you like to beat them up?"

LATER:

"Diana? Diianaaaaaaaaa?" aksed Babdtera. She and her other bitchy friend were looking for Diana to give her supplies because their obsessed with her and want to suck her dick. "I have some blankets and water and stuff for you!"

"I don't want your charity!"

"Diana? Wha-"

Suddenly Diana tied ropes around them as Akko came out with a crowbar.

"What's going on? Are you trying to hurt us?" said Hana h.

"Hai, this will be so sugoi!"

"I am tired of the two of you being so bitchy all of the time," said dodina. "You even beat up akko, so she will give you a taste of your own medicine!"

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!11111112111111111111111111" shrieked the duo as Akko beat them with the crowbar.

A few minutes later:

Akko and Diana were sitting by the fire. "You know, I'm actually happy right now," said diana. "Even though we have nothing, at least we have each other!"

"Awwwwww arigato gozaimas diana-chan."

But then, "Hey aren't those the two chicks that stopped that bomb?" asked a random dude.

"Yeah, and now their homeless! Let's take some pictures!"

"WE CANNOT LET ANYONE KNOW OF THIS, RUN!" yelled iDana as they both ran away.

MEANWGILE IN BOSTON:

There were gunshots everywhere as things were on fire and people were dying. But Amanda walked by on the street with her baseball bat, ignoring all of the violence and going into a bar.

"I'd like a fuckin beer!" yelled Amanda.

"Sorry but aren't you underage?" asked the burytender.

"DOES IT LOOK LIKE I FUCKING GIVE A SHIT? I WANT A FUCKING BEER, AND IM GONNA GET ONE, BITCH!" Ananda pulled out her baseball bat covered in nails.

"Okay, here's one beer."

Amanda chugged down the beer, before realizing that something strange was on the news."

"Breaking news! The two witches that saved the world are now homeless on the streets of London!"

"Holy shit, that's Akko and Diana! I wonder what's goin' on with them!"

Suddenly, a portal opened up in the bar as everyone ran away except for Amanda. And out of the portal came, Constanze!

But she wasn't normal Constanze, she was Comstanze from the future! She was part cyborg and had a Stephen Hawking voice (but she was still the same height as normal Constanze).

"Guten tag Amanda, I am Constanze from the future!"

"Dude what's goin on why are you here from the future and how are you a fuckin cyborg and how can you talk?"

"I come from a horrible future vhere Luna Nova vas destroyed. Almost everyone died in a huge explosion, and I vas one of the only survivors. After a deadly attack from a monster, I rebuilt myself and gave myself a voice before creating the first time machine. Now ve must prevent the bomb from destroying the school to prevent the future from vhich I came!"

"Well shit we better do something!"

And so they jumped into a portal that will take them to Luna Nova and stop the bomb!

**To be continued!**


	3. Bloody Bloody Andrew Hanbridge

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Akko is gay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> After a long break, we're finally back with a new chapter for this amazing and heartbreaking adventure!

"Dun dun dun gonna save the world!" sang Amanda. "Then ill go home an EAT SOME FUCKING MCDONALDS YEAAAH!"

She and futture Constantinople were just outside of lunar nova and we're gonna searching th le academi and funk the nuke.

"SAVIN THE WORLD SAVIN THE FUCKIN WORLD YEAAAAH THATS THE SHIT YEEEAAAAAAAH!"

"Can u do the shut up, Dummkopf, ve have the schizer to do!" anger Constanza

"Wow future you is really fuckin cool cuz your a fucking cyborg and shit and yoh can talk! I have some fucking questions about this future your from."

"Ja, ask awai."

"is their porn in the future?"

"Nein, das robot overlords made porn illegal."

"SHIT WE HAVE TO STOP THEM!"

"Das only way to stop them is to the stopping the bomb! That's vhat ve're doing right now!"

"Ok LETZ DO THIS SHIT!"

And so they sneaked into the skool and searched the hole place for the bom but they couldnt find it any where!

"Maybe das robots didnt putting the bomb there yet," say Condom.

"K. I guess now we can fuckin wait for the bom 2 appear. To pass the time, I brought all of the Human Centipede movies 4 us to watch!"

"Ja, ok."

MEANWHILE IN LONDON WHICH IS IN ANGLAND:

Aklo and Deana were hunging around like the homeless sea urchins they are, as the Japan girl sang another song for diamanté.

"Diana-chan you are like a kawaii neko

And ur stronger than Goku

If u holded my hand id never let go

U r just so super woke-u

I'll traveru with u from Chad to Liechtenstein

I'm gladu 2 be withu you today

Girl u be looking real fine

Because u r the bigu gay

Yuo always-u teru me to do the flossing

And have-u yummy lookingu hair thats green

U make my kokoro go kamikaze

Cuz your my favorite-u lesbean!"

Akko funinised the song. "So how do you like it desu?"

"It is an enlightingly expressive melody but it constantly refers to me as homosexual and I am completely heterosexuul so that makes absolutely no bloody sans."

"Wait, dianachan Whoos that?"

A limo drive by and open the winder.

"God save the queen! Why, look who it is," said the voice in the limo. It was...ANDREW! "I saw on the tellie that you two chaps were homeless! I can't believe it, this is bloody hilarious!"

"DAMMIT, BUG OFF ANDREW I DESPISE YOU SO BLOODY MUCH!"

Andrew lauffed like the fuking rich kid he iss all smugly and anoyingly.

"How about u 2 chavs come hither with good old Andrew and we enter my exquisite mansion!"

"No bloody way!"

"Sorry Andrew-kun," say Akko, "But i m stayingu with diana-Chan becos she is my bestu tomodachi!"

"By the way we decided 2 buy strippers for the manshion," sid Andy.

"NANI?! NOW WE HAVR TO GO LETSU GO DIANA CHAN!"

"Bloody hel," said Deana as ak dragged her into the car.

BACH AG LINAR NOVAE:

Amander and Future Constanz finishes their movies and were now playing Minecraft 2.

"I'm so FUCKING BORED! We should fucking invite the rest of my friends over to hang out with us."

"Ja sounds good to mich."

And so she called her friends Jamasmiksna and present day constants to come.

Soon they arrive on vroom stick all fast and amand introducing future Constance.

"Wattup homies this is constanzee from the future."

Present Constanzy nodded her head in agreement and shook future hers hand.

"It is gut to meeting sie, mein younger self."

Present congtstanze didn't reply Because she cant talk cuz her vocal cords were destroy during a fight with Osama bin laden. She won and killed him but at what cost?

"Здравствуйте future comrade," says Jamminka, inhaling a cake like its cocaine. "What are we the doings here, да"

"Future conz fuckin told me that some shitty robobot fucks would fucking blow up Luna nova so we want 2 find the bom 2 stop it form happening."

"да, we will helping вы."

"Ja ok," say future conpsls. "But ve cant finding the bomb yet so ve vere just the hanging around."

"Ok we will 2 comrade."

"I'll get some fucking soda and chips for us to fucking eat."

THE HAMBITCH MANOR:

Anbrew escorted the 2 gurls to the front of the mansion.

"Greetings, sir Andrew Buckingham Poppycock Hambridge the Fourth," say the butler, "howfore art thou doing on such a very fine day."

"Very well, thank u sir butler," siad anddrw.

They went in and sat down at a huge tabel covored in fancy foods like caviar and truffles and Olive Garden breadsticks.

"Now why wont the two of u ladies sit down here and we eat food.

"Bloody whatever," said diana. She didn't want 2 eat andreews food but she was sew Hungary that she couldent resist.

Diana and skko gobbled down the food like they were hungry homeless people eating real food for the first time in months because they were.

"So, why did you invite us here today," sa Dinah.

"Just 2 rub it in your peasant faces how rich I am! Ohohohohohohohoho!" He laughed like the rich bastard boy he is.

"You are a bloody piece of shite, Andrew."

"What did you say? I couldn't hear you in front of all of this money I'm organizing!" He took out like a bagkcclipn pounds (that is the money in the United Airline) and made it rain all over the table.

"Fucking wanker," said diank.

Akko was 2 busy gomaging down on the food like it was Diana's sexy bits.

"Hey anbrmew where the stripperus that yuo have the promisedu?"

"Oh yeah, I almost forgot! Silly me!"

He pressed a button and the wall opened up and some male strippers were behind it.

"Ewwwwwww not dude stripperus I thoughtu they were going to be chicks!"

"What r u gay?" axed Android.

"Yeah."

"Oh, ok. What about you, homeless lady Diana of the house of Cabbagedick."

"I am having much enjoyment from watching these males take off their clothes because I am heterosecual and am sexually attracted to males. Anyway we must now go akko!"

"Okay-chan," said alto. "Sayonara Andryew-kun!"

"Good bye, pip pip Cheerio!"

"Oh and by the way Andrew," said Diana, "MOLOTOV COCKTAIL!" She threw down a molotov cucktail and threw it at his hoose as it was the set on fire.

"NOOOOOOOOOO MY HOUSE HOW CAN THIS BE!"

"GOOD DAY SIR!" yelled Diana as she gave him a middle finger and she and Akko run away.

1 MONTH LATTER:

Akko and Diana were still homlees but at least they have eachother. Anyway, Skool at Lima November was aboot 2 start!

"We've got-u 2 get-u 2 school of else we'll be expelled, desu! But we don'tu have the broomustickus to get there-san!"

"I have an bloody wonderful idea let us get to the location of the portal!"

They wanked to the portal.

"Get on by bloody back, I will climb up and get to the top!"

"But howo? I tried to gettu to top last year buto I faru downo!"

"Yes, getting up to the very top will be gobsmackingly delapherous, but it seems that you do not have the same muscular capacities as I." Diana pulled her sleeve back to reveal her super muscular arm that could lift a car or a small airplane or 50 feral cats.

"NANI?! How did u gets to the so strongu, dinana-chan?"

"I make sure to take part in many bloody difficult exercises including weightlifting. Now, we must leave!"

Akko climbed onto dianas back as diaana used her mega strong arms to quickly climb to the top. Then they both were sucked into the portal.

"Ono now nani do we do without our broomus?"

"BLOODY THIS!" exclammed diana as she opened a bag and like a whole bunch of pigeons flew out and picked them both up to fly them throo the portle.

Soon the ender up at Luna novel hi school.

"Justu in timu!" akkoed akko.

"Now we will make the trek to the great hall of this educational establishment!"

They went to the grate hell where everyone else was except for Diono's former roomates Banana and Harbor becos they are still in the L'Hopital from when akko and Diana beet them with crow bars.

"Hei, Akko," said Lootte. "I heard you were homeless, ya. I am the sorry that I am couldn't come help yuo, but I had to stay in Suomi and help at my familys shop, ya."

"Thats okay," said aKko. "I am understandu. Oh, konichiwa Sucy!"

"Hola akko, fuck you," said Succy. (AN: I looked it up and found out that she isn't from the Portugal, but from the Phillipenis. Isn't that next 2 mexico?)

Sucy took out a mushroom and threw it at akkos head. "I'm experimenting." She kicked akko in the shin. "I'm testing your tolerance 2 pain.

Anaconda and Jasmine and Costa Rica and future Cosco (who they desided to name Yukon Gold so they won't get her mixed upp with president Castanz) just arrived because they still couldn't find the bomb at the academia so they went of searching in places that are almost heaven like West Virginia, Blue ridge mountains, Shenandoah river. Life is old there, older than the trees, younger than the mountains, blowing like a breeze.

They still ciuldnt find a bomb so they came Back to the shxool.

"Amanda Oneil, your footsteps r 2 loud!" angerly saiid profesora Finnelam. "U have detention 4 infinity!"

"Dude what the fuck?" said Amanda.

"And who is this woman that looks like Constranxe Bruclhauschiemer?!"

"Oh, this is Yukon Gold, Comstanze from tbe future. She came here to stop some robo fuckers from destroying the world."

"But where will she stay?"

"Je know somewhere zat Madame Yukon Gold can stay!" said Shoshone Chariot. "Elle can stay in ze room du Diana because Hanna et Barbara are no longer in zere."

"Fine u can stay in Dininanas room, Yukon Gold."

"Ja."

And so everyone got back to their rooms like normal, but little did they know...SOMEONE WAS ABOOT TO BLOW UP LINA NOVA!111111 BUT WHO AND WHEN AND WHY AND HOW? Who lives, who dies, who tells your story? Find put! Later.


End file.
